Confessions
Posted by Adrenalynn on 20 January 2010
Because I just haven’t told the Internet enough embarrassing stuff about myself.
The seat on my toilet at home is elevated about a centimeter from the toilet bowl. Which creates a gap between said seat and bowl. So sometimes when I’m in a hurry and don’t pay attention to how I’m seated, I… accidentally hit that gap with some of the… fluids. And my floor gets wet. You can see where I’m going with this. The thing is, this happens a bit more often than you’d think, considering I know about the gap. But I repeatedly find myself scrubbing my bathroom floor. And wondering why in the world someone would make an elevated toilet seat just to annoy and embarrass me. Especially because I also love this seat deeply for being so nice and warm. I feel so torn.
I drool when I sleep. A lot. So much that I have to flip my pillow over in the middle of the night because it’s wet. Yep, I’m a classy chick. As if you didn’t already know that from the toilet story.
I have a little mustache. No, really.
Sometimes I make my three year old take a nap on weekends when his brother is napping because I want some peace and quiet. Don’t judge me.
I have several nervous habits, including biting on my cuticles until they look godawful. And skin tastes awesome, by the way.
I don’t stop eating when I’m full; I stop eating when it hurts. Every. Single. Meal.
Yesterday I ate 11 sandwiches at work. See?
I’m terrified of swing sets. To the point where I start to hyperventilate and get dizzy whenever I see someone on a swing. Not to mention pushing my kids on one. And now I’m getting a little queasy just thinking about it.
I own a tee shirt with the classy words “Who needs big boobs when you’ve got an ass like this?” printed across the chest. I know.
I once published this post in a very unfinished state by accident, before I came to my senses and removed about half of it. And then didn’t notice my mistake for about five hours.
Share time! Let’s all try to think of something worse to confess! Someone? Anyone? No? *Crickets* Never mind then, *nervous laugh* I guess I’ll be going now.
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Brrrrilliant. You see, I only love you more when you write stuff like this!
Hi Tara; and I love you for it! I mean, thanks.
It did not go unnoticed that you chose not to share a single gross or embarrassing fact about yourself, however.
This is so fun! Sometime I drip on the floor or down my leg when I stand up from the toilet! It’s true…My 94 year old mum used to call it the PS….I thought that was funny! Now I do my keigal exercises like crazy so I do not do it any more….
Hi Patricia; thank you for stopping by! I feel we keep bumping into each other all over the internet.
You mean you actually beat the tinkling curse just by doing those annoying little exercises? Count me in!
I think we should all write a confessions post. This is hilarious!
Hi Rosie; thank you so much for visiting! I do like the idea of the confessions post spreading its wings to all corners of the internet.
I love you… I shall have to use this as my inspiration for my next post (with your permission)… you are we.
Hi Dotty; *blush* Thank you for visiting! Please, oh please do!
You are taunting me with your tales of sandwich consumption! I wish I could and still remain slim and trim! And the nap: I only judge myself for not being able to do the same with my oldest. She refuses. I don’t do cuticles. I do the dry skin surrounding it. If its on my toes I cut skin. Not awesome. But I don’t eat it. I do however feel a need to pick my nose. I used to eat it when I was little, now I just put it on my socks, where no one can tell. My socks have holes and I still wear them.
Not to get all MJ on you, but you are not alone!
Hi Neri; … and now I have that song in my head. I promise you I will not continue to stay trim and slim if I keep up my insane sandwich consumption! Thank you for helping me see that there truly are weirder people than me in this world.
I pick my scabs…If I gave this a lot of thought my list could be endless…
Love this post
Hi MuddynoSugar; me too! Now I can’t stop thinking about it and I really wish I had some nicely placed scabs I could pick on. Curse you for putting the idea into my head! Thank you for coming by!
Okay, you’ve made my evening with this post!! I love the toilet story (especially that it is followed by the drool story!). If it makes you feel better, I have a drool “issue” too. So…classy…I have to say that the word fits! All the cool people do it!!
Nice t-shirt, by the way…(I’ll probably not get one for myself, though…)
Me? (warning: this is a bit graphic). So, tonight, I was eating a few chocolate chips (because we have them…but we don’t have cookies…that’s not the point here, though). My wife, my 15 y.o son, and my 13 y.o. daughter were all sitting in the living room. So, I secretly stuck one of my hands in my mouth (with the choc chips), pulled it out, then pretended to “wipe”. Then proceeded to lick my hand….
(maybe “classy” just doesn’t fit me anymore…)
Hi Lance; I can’t believe you have the nerve to come here and be funnier than me on my own blog! I can’t stop laughing from your chocolate story. And how gross is it that I’m craving chocolate chips right now? It’s true; people who drool are cool!
I think drooling in your sleep means you’re having good dreams. Something tasty is going on.
Swings can be crazy. I have mixed emotions between pumping to go sky high and having some nasty landings.
Hi J.D; I like it! Tasty dreams it is. Now if I can only convince the husband that I’m drooling all over the bed because I’m dreaming of him.
Well, since I’m pregnant I’m perfect right now. I never leak, there is never any slime coming out of my body, my legs are all shaved and nice because I can easily reach them, I never burp, I never ever fart, I have no hemorroides, and when I do number two it’s always in one perfect piece who never splash water that hit’s my bum.
Hi Keekaboo; I’m glad to see someone didn’t lose her sarcastic wit after becoming pregnant! Oh, and me neither.
OMG, I love this post! How very brave of you.
I too drool a lot so that I have to turn the pillow over, it’s not all the time so I might have to agree witht the dream theory by J.D. Meier.
I wish I could do the nap thing with my 3yo, but she just refuses, so no judgement here only jealousy…
I also have a little moustache, but wax it, so I don’t need to come clean about that, bugger……
Hi Tamsin; thank you for stopping by! I’m glad my shameful are amusing to you all. I can’t tell you how much I hate waxing my upper lip, but I guess the alternative is far worse. So ouch! it is….
Well, I do a few things to relieve the curse of dripping. 1. I walk and walk and walk – everyday. 2. I took corn syrup ( soda pop) and caffeine out of my diet. 3. I also have a small kids ball I squeeze between my knees during the commercials on TV, which helps my knees greatly. and
I do the squeeze exercises at every stop light and sign.
I only have a few problems when I eat with abandon – such as at Christmas time. But they truly work…even when you are laughing out loud at such a fun post.
PS
I read a great many blogs but do not always write on them- I am a lurker!
.-= patricia´s last blog post: The Mouse House =-.
Hi Patricia; someone made me google vaginal prolapse today (by telling me how awful it looked), and I’ve decided to squeeze as if my life depended on it as often as I can! And the ball thing sounds very easy and convenient – I have plenty of those around the house… But the soda pop? No way. But two out of three ain’t bad (according to Meat Loaf, anyway)!
And guess what? I’m such a lurker myself… And very glad you decided to come out of your lurkiness for a little while!
GOOD LORD! Just look at the content of this post and all the comments! What the heck is going on here?!
I’m not sure. But one thing I do know is I must rush and buy shares in Tena Lady.
Lynn, I’m no expert in these things, what with you being a woman and all, but it sounds like you’d have more luck getting it in the bowl if you stood up to pee!?
My embarrassing confession? I’m friends with SOMEONE WHO WEES ON THE FLOOR!!
Hi Dave; Ohshutupalready! Don’t you come here and tell me you’ve never even tinkled on the floor. You see, I have a suspicion you are a single instead of a double shaker because you’re always in a hurry. And single shaking is risky business.
[...] I need to prove I am who say I am. If you see what I mean. She copped it from someone called Adrenalyne from Norway, the name of whose blog makes me think of an old Sisters of Mercy song. I’ll have [...]
Excellent! I have encountered the same toilet seat arrnagement with similar effects. Except it ended up mostly on my jeans!
.-= Heather´s last blog post: Lose Your Blues =-.
Hi Heather; thank you for coming by! And oh, my – I really hope you were at home! I’ve had baby pee on my clothes in public, but never my own….
Adrenalynn, I love this post! haha, so good! btw I get too serious on myself easily so I’m learning to lighten up more lately and actually started laughing at myself more! So, that’s why this feels so good to be here now. This reminds me of the other day when I watched some of the new videos I did and was like.. oh my, I was cracking up with my hubby and I have to admit it felt good to laugh and yet still not remove it. I don’t want to be so d*** adult ya know?!
I know circumstances in our life can put us in survival mode, but certainly I want to live more as playful and from the heart! 
Thanks for letting me in on this fun stuff! 
If you want to see my goofy last video which I was laughing at well you can go here:
http://jenniferzuniga.blogspot.com/2010/01/checking-in-for-week-1-honoring-your.html
I think I was playing on a bit on the props and trying to be down to earth but it just got silly! oh well *cheers to the fact I’m trying it out for giggles!
.-= Jenn´s last blog post: Wings for Women: Homefront Heroes /resources =-.
Hi Jenn; thank you so much for stopping by, and for the sweet words! I’m heading right over to check out your video
I agree with you about not taking ourselves too seriously all the time. Being an adult shouldn’t mean we have to be boring! I love your thoughts about living more playfully and from the heart. Thank you for inspiring me to stay goofy!
This was very very funny! Can I nick your idea and have a go at doing a post? If I don’t bottle out that is!
Hi Ella; yes, please do! Thank you for coming by!
I have a confession that is so awful I’m still not convinced that I’ll actually sumbit this comment. However, I’m so late with it that perhaps no one will ever notice. Here goes. I once had a stomach bug but was unaware that I had it and whilst in the kitchen decided to let slip what I thought would be a silent but deadly parp. Top marks on both counts, as not only was it soundless, it also turned out to be totally liquid, so much so that I didn’t even feel it come out and only noticed it when it seeped out of my jeans at ankle level. This necessitated a bow-legged spider-like scuttle on the outside edges of my feet from the tiled floor of the kitchen across the carpeted floor of the hallway to the safe confines of the tiled loo. I’ll spare you further details but remembering this incident just made me laugh so much it brought tears to my eyes!
Hi Purplejake; Ohmygod, you have no idea how hard I’m laughing just now. I might start tinkling a little, just to complete the circle. Thank you for visiting! And – stay dry.
Just so you know for any later confessions – I’m in here every day checking for comment updates. So I’ll always notice – in addition to Adrenalynn of course…
.-= keekaboo´s last blog post: ADVARSEL: *gravidpost* =-.
keekaboo! That’s so not fair!! I can’t even read your blog because it’s in that funny Norwedish language with rising suns over the a’s, crossed out o’s and delicious words like undersøkelsesbenk. Is it as funny as your confession above?
By the way, I think your blog is great, Adrenalynn – original and funny – and I have subscribed.
My blog is at areyoureceivingme.com. I know – shameless self-promotion.
.-= Purplejake´s last blog post: Beware Lanky Strangers in Pointy Hats =-.
You know, I’m so flattered that I couldn’t care less about your blatant self-promotion. And I’ll be heading over to check it out, of course!
Don’t really think you needed to tell me all that…
Btw; You’re English is so good that I’d like you to continue. I love it when I come across Norwegians with better English than the average Englishman.
Hi Morten; thank you for coming by – and sorry about the too-much-information factor. I’ll try to tone it down… maybe. And thanks for the nice compliment!
Well, purplejake, just for you I’ve taken the time to use an online translation-tool to translate the post with the funny word undersøkelsebenk. Let me know if you want me to translate any of the other posts and I’ll be happy to do so.
.-= keekaboo´s last blog post: Babyutstyr =-.
And for the record – my blog is not like Adrenalynn’s blog – I write about boring stuff like “The night garden” (http://keekaboo.wordpress.com/2010/01/15/om-dr%c3%b8mmehagen/) and how much fish my kids have for dinner (http://keekaboo.wordpress.com/2010/01/25/smaen-spiser-seibiff/). It’s more of a place where I brag about my life then it is a place for confessions and fun. So you’re not missing anything
.-= keekaboo´s last blog post: Babyutstyr =-.
I do blog a lot more often than Adrenalynn though, but that might be because I’m pregnant and spending my days at home on my ass instead of going to work like decent people do.
.-= keekaboo´s last blog post: Babyutstyr =-.
Hi Keekaboo; you have way too much time on your hands! For the record, you have an awesome blog, and it just got even awesomer with the translation! It’s the badly liv. For reals.
Haha!
For en flott start på dagen dette var!
Jepp. Jeg ligger fremdeles i sengen og klokken er 13:17…
En annen ting: jeg har ikke barbert meg under armene på snart to uker….(dette er ikke vanlig for meg, men nå som jeg har bodd hos Torkjell i Oslo så må jeg ut på gangen for å dusje, og da glemmer jeg høvelen HVER GANG!)
Så hver gang jeg ser meg selv i speilet så poserer jeg og sier på svensk: jag sluta raka….som i filmen Tilsammans, og tenker at jeg er en nyfrelst feminist fra 70-tallet
.-= Ingvild Telle´s last blog post: Frier =-.
Hei Ingvild; haha, jeg ser det for meg! Dette er jo til og med tidsriktig nå – så du hun (jeg glemmer hvem det var) på Golden Globes med hårete legger? Kanskje du skal spare litt og se hvor langt det blir… God bedring!
Well Adrenalynn, sorry for using your blog as a discussion forum for the merits of other people’s posts that may (keekaboo) or may not (mine) be as good as yours (you set the bar high) but I have to reply to that cheeky keekaboo, who did me the courtesy of translating one of her posts especially for me. The trouble is, I still don’t know what an undersøkelsebenk is as the online translation tool she used tantalisingly left it in Norwegian – just that it has something to do with putting your legs in a boiler. Eee-uwwww. You really shouldn’t do that when your up the duff, keekaboo, might upset the baby…
And finally, as a native English speaker from Englishland, I would like to second Morten’s comment about your amazing ability with said language, Adrenalynn. Were you raised bi-lingual, by any chance??
.-= Purplejake´s last blog post: England, my England (or: “England, moy England, oo-arrr, Oi loiks it”) =-.
Hi Purplejake; you may use my blog as a discussion forum any day as long as you keep saying such nice things about me
(or my blog, whatever.)
I COULD explain what an undersøkelsesbenk is (I’m impressed you found the ‘ø’), but this is much funnier. And yes, I was raised bi-lingual, at least up until the TV could take over my English education
Hi, Just found your blog. Wow at your candor and I thought I was honest on my blog! lol I can really relate to the eating until it hurts! Mich x
Hi Michelle; thank you for coming by! And I’m really glad I’m not alone in this…
I was writing a post today and suddenly realized that my post might be seen as a confession. I don’t know if it is – Adrenalynn – you be the judge of this?
.-= keekaboo´s last blog post: Er dette en tilståelse, Adrenalynn? (se adrenalynn.no) =-.
Hi Keekaboo; it most definitely is! I don’t know why someone would confess to letting their child go potty in the bath tub, though…
[...] Adrenalynn recently posted some confessions and I was inspired to do the same because, well, I’m a gal that likes to share, you know? [...]
I want you to know I did read this last week from my iPhone and laffed my ass off!!!! But for some reason I can’t leave a comment from my iPhone, I think due to your lay-out, or something. Anyway, all water under the bridge.
I have a very weird mustache, just a hair on either side, but they are long and very very bristly. And tho I pluck them as soon as I see them, they do grow 2 inches overnight.(that’s about 3.6 centimetres, or so.)
And you did NOT eat 11 sandwiches?? Did you???? Tell me they were regular-sized ones, cut into 5ths or something??
Ahh, you are so much fun, a true breath of fresh air on the Net!!
xo
Hi Jannie! Thanks for sharing such a funny and truly disturbing fact about yourself! Imagine going to bed with your sweet face and then waking up to that weird mustache!
I did, in fact, eat 11 sandwiches. But in my defense, I ate 5 for lunch and then 6 a bit later on. But after both a skirt and a pair of jeans gave up last week and I lost a couple of buttons. Cough.
Love this post. Totally funny. And the 3 year old napping with the baby? That’s nothing short of brilliant. Besides, 3 year olds need naps, too. As to moms.
.-= J´s last blog post: Gung Hay Fat Choy! =-.
Hi J; sometimes we all need naps I think! Life gets a little exhausting for both children and adults at times. Thank you for coming by!
Maybe you could keep a funnel to hand!! I love your blog and confessions it made my laugh so much!!
.-= pens parker´s last blog post: Happy Valentine’s day from Pens Parker =-.
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